how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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