Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
