I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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