yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
