from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
