i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
