I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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