Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
