dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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