am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
