it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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