Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back