Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.