can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
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I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.