it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...