pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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