Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
