There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
