She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
