you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
