It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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