Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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