They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My liver just had a heart attack.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
