I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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