if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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