ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
