FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
