PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
