he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
