Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
