Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
