that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
