i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
