i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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