Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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