Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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