is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
