tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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