when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she told me i tasted like america
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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