If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
