If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
