he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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