gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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