You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
