Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
