Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
