I need to stop coming to work sober
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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