dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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