I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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