Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Congratulations! We have a period
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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