Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
