You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
