Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
