Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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