I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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