the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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