what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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