I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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