yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
