Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
