my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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