It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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