I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize