shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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