I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
