Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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