I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
