I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
