What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
